Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Out of control and in His will

What does God's sovereignty mean? I don't mean the definition; I mean in how I live my life, in how I understand what is going on around me. Do I truly believe that God is working all things together for the good of those who love Him, and that He is working out His will and purposes in every circumstance of my life? Bringing that concept down from theoretical belief to allowing it to take hold in my thoughts and reactions to circumstances is pretty difficult. Do I trust that whatever happens is in God's hands, and so believing, entrust them into His hands completely? How do I let go of control? How do I rest? I used to think I knew how to do this. I thought I was pretty good at it actually, but the more I experience difficult circumstances the more I realize I have an ingrained pattern of taking control when things seem to be out of control. Oh, Lord. How do I let go? How can I live wisely and at the same time give up control? I want you to be in control, but when I can't see or don't understand how you are working I think, "I better do something or else everything is going to fall apart!" I am coming to you now, saying that I can't give up control and that I don't know what to do. Oh, I know what I want to do and what I think is best, but I don't know what to do. My wisdom is foolishness. Yours is life and goodness. Show me your ways that I may walk in them. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. You make me lie down in green pastures and lead me by still waters. Restore my soul and lead me in paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Lord, lead me in paths of righteousness as I wait for YOU.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Needing

Wandering, waiting,
Asking, seeking,
Trusting, knowing,
Hoping, laughing.

His hand, my shoulder,
My heart, his hold,
His grip, my tear,
His strength, my rest.

Falling, falling,
Kneeling, curling,
Rocking, shaking,
Standing, rising.

Flying.

Peace, peace,
Peace, peace,
Peace, need,
Peace.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Love

Love is so painful sometimes. We think it's not supposed to be. Love should be something that uplifts, not somethings that brings us down. Right? If our love is harmful to us, then why put up with it? Why invest in it? Why listen to it? Why not just get rid of it? Fill it up with anger or contempt. That would be easier. But love... love bleeds sometimes. It hemorrhages, and it just won't stop. The rejection of our love is what hurts. That someone would refuse to accept the most precious thing we have to give. I think about God. How God is calling, inviting, offering his love, which he sacrificed his life for in order to offer. And yet, we reject it, over and over again. Does he feel the same pain? Does he long for us like we long for others? I'm so sorry, Father. My love does not even come close to yours. Does that pain you? Or do you wait patiently, knowing simply that I am incapable of such love? Are you so secure in your own love, that my lack of it does not move you? What a twisted world this is sometimes, Lord. That love, the thing of most beauty, could be the source of the most pain. Oh, Lord. Bring us quickly to you., and perfect us in love. You are our hope. Come quickly, Lord, come.